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Going Beyond the Orgasm

7 ways to reach a psychasm, a deeper and more meaningful sexual connection with your spouse on the inside.

Great sex is about connecting with our partner at the level of body, mind and soul.

As an expert on sex and an author on the subject, I think I’m fairly well poised to understand our preoccupation with the orgasm. As it turns out, the sexual climax: its quality, intensity, longevity, ability to be experienced multiple times is pretty much standard fare in magazines, blogs and books that discuss sexuality. And perhaps it should be. Who wants to go on a journey without the hope of reaching the end? Who wants to watch an exciting movie or read a thrilling novel without enjoying its earth-shattering highpoint? It’s just how we humans are wired; the end seems even more important than the journey.

Having said that, if we transfer this understanding to our intimate sexual relationships, can we honestly say that an orgasm always brings with it a feeling of completion or fulfillment? What exactly is up when some of us are left wanting and craving more, even after our orgasm has subsided? And should we really focus so much on “the end” or should we revisit the entire journey?

While I could never trivialize the orgasm and maintain a straight face, I think that the big “O” may not always be all it’s cracked up to be. In other words, it is not a guaranteed solution to every relationship challenge or problem, nor does it automatically signify that all is right in our sexual world. As I am at pains to maintain in my book, great mind-blowing sex is perhaps about a lot more than the physical logistics of the penis, vagina and our other erogenous zones. In the context of marriage, we are actually attempting to make love to more than our spouse’s genitals.

Great sex is about connecting with our partner at the level of body, mind and soul. The term ‘psychasm’ coined by the author of “Super Marital Sex,” Paul Pearsall, Ph. D., actually defines this concept of a deeper sexual connection quite well.

Accordingly, the psychasm supersedes and goes beyond just the physical orgasm. It speaks of absolute vulnerability and openness derived from lowering barriers and pretences for complete self-exposure; conditions which foster true intimacy. By extension, I would assume that it requires complete honesty with one’s self and one’s spouse. Such honesty is not a means to expose, embarrass or tear down, instead, however tempered, is a way to build and affirm. Phychasm literally removes the word “organ” from orgasm and focuses instead on the psychology of sexual release.

Having the psychasm as a sexual resolution is an admirable goal. But I agree that it may seem somewhat airy-fairy and difficult to grasp. What exactly is it and why should we want one? Perhaps it may help to think of it as more than just a 10-second sexual event, but as an extended state of being which is capable of redefining the sexual encounter over the long-term. As Professor Pearsall puts it, we should have as our goal the sexualization of the entire marriage, so that intimacy and honesty become states of being which define the marriage and enhance the sexual experience. In this way, sex is holistic and not compartmentalized or limited to the 10-minute romp we have in the bedroom or on the counter-top.

The following suggestions are practical ways of maximizing our sexual experience by going beyond the mere physical thrill of the orgasm into the more integrated experience of the psychasm.

Clear the air of emotional and sexual baggage: Release unresolved hurts from childhood or from previous relationships that have the power to intrude on true sexual intimacy with your spouse. Make an effort to expose past hurts by sharing with your partner or by seeking professional help where required. This creates a psychological space for ongoing honesty with your mate and enhances intimacy on all counts.

Deliberately preserve emotional exclusivity with your spouse: While we may all have old and treasured friends from our “past lives” or may meet new people with whom we connect, it is important to define our marriage with a sense of exclusivity. Having “couple secrets” or a quality to our relationship which sets it apart from all others is critical to preserving its sense of uniqueness.

Revisit your lovemaking language and concepts: While we may never escape the concept of “coming” during the sex act, perhaps focusing on “being” may help us somewhat to move beyond the limitations of orgasm. Enjoying all aspects of the sexual journey is critical if we want to rework where we focus all of our energy. Yes, the sense of completion a climax can bring is important, but the pleasuring of the entire experience and our active presence “in the moments,” should perhaps be more our goal.

Practice active forgiveness: Holding a grudge against your spouse can be entirely counter-productive to the pursuit of sexual intimacy. It is imperative that couples not allow lapses to occur after fights, arguments or serious rifts. Honest dialogue should be pursued so that mutual forgiveness can be exercised. This frees us up for deeper sexual connection.

Sexualize everyday moments: See your sexual relationship as your ongoing relationship and vice-versa. This means that your method of relating throughout the day is governed by thoughtfulness and the expression of desire. Desiring your husband or wife is not limited to wanting to literally “get it on,” but it means that you have a tangible connection which sensitizes you to each others’ needs. This keeps you constantly aware of each other even when apart. Sexualizing moments also includes utilizing the mind to think sexual thoughts about your spouse throughout the day, as well as being physically affectionate through touch.

De-genitalize the sexual encounter: Deliberately forget today’s focus on things like penis size and “designer vaginas;” a more holistic view of sex allows us to understand the importance of the entire body. Delaying genital touch for as long as possible could therefore be fairly exciting. Making an effort to dwell on other areas like toes, noses, eyes, finger tips, palms, ears, the head and the massaging of limbs, can function to bring the entire body into the sexual encounter while still enhancing the sensations that will undoubtedly come to the genitals.

Open your eyes: There is something to be said for the eyes being the windows to the soul. Sharing deep glances during your lovemaking, when every fiber of your being is inviting you to close them, can provide very telling moments. While we close our eyes because of the intensity of pleasure, we also do so out of fear, embarrassment and a need to hide. By opening them, you are risking exposing your pleasure and your vulnerability and you are entrusting this to the one you have vowed to share your life with. This can be incredible for maximizing the sense of freedom, which comes to the sexual release and can truly move it from mere orgasm to psychasm.

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Excessively Frequent Sexual Life Is Not Good For Male And Female

Too frequent sex life though so desire has been high, but the couple’s damage is obvious. Take a look at six injuries, the couple quickly stop your excessive sex life bar.

First, the physical condition deteriorates

For both men and women, will result in greater physical exertion on a long time, it will inevitably lead to poor physical condition. Then also affect the mental state, and even thinking ability, memory, analytical skills, etc. will be worse.

Second, the sexual organs “fatigue”

Because sexual impulses continuous and repeated occurrence, both men and women will increase sexual control nerve center and the burden of sexual organs, often the result of fatigue, extremes meet, it will lead to sexual function decline, resulting in sexual function “premature aging.”

Third, induced sexual dysfunction

Men often repetitive life will prolong ejaculation time since the second ejaculation sex life is certainly longer than the last time appears first, which laid the future induced impotence, not ejaculation, delayed ejaculation time, sexual pleasure without reciprocity hidden dysfunction.

Fourth, do not be too long reaction period

After a man has sex does not react period, ie after the end of sexual intercourse for some time no longer react to sexual stimulation. Often repeated repetitive life will extend the period does not react, it is easy to cause sexual function recession.

Fifth, the emphasis back strain

Men often repetitive life, due to the repeated and persistent sexual organs to congestion, induce prostatitis, Seminal and other diseases not only cause perineal discomfort, back pain, there will be blood fine. Women often repetitive life, congestive genitals always in the state, will induce pelvic congestion, so-called Pelvic Congestion Syndrome, resulting in backache, heavy pants and other discomfort.

Sixth, Satisfaction reduced after several

Both men and women, when repetitive life, second or third, fourth sex life, sexual satisfaction to be worse than the one before, so likely to cause psychological effects that own sexuality problems, eventually leading to a result psychological and spiritual factors induced sexual dysfunction.

There are visible above, frequent sex life both good for health, but also difficult to make a pleasant steady sex life, the couple should attract attention.

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Beware Lack Of Sexual Desire Is ED, Men Do Six Things To Stimulate Sexual Desire

Lack of sexual fantasies, sexual poor people pay attention! According to US media recently reported that a new study found that a lack of sexual fantasies may be erectile dysfunction (ED) of the early signs.

Beware lack of libido is ED

New England Institute of Boston area 814 men aged 40 -70 years to investigate and found that decreased sexual desire of people, the chance of ED 9 years, much higher than those of sexual fantasies and more frequently people. Moreover, the idea that one week only a one-time, or do sexual fantasies of dreamers, the probability of occurrence of ED 9 years should be significantly higher than the sexual fantasies and more people.

Researchers Susan said: “This result suggests that, perhaps in predicting ED, sexual fantasies should be one of the main criteria for men, once found do not want sex, they should seek immediate medical attention in erectile function. further deterioration before the active treatment. ”

American Urological Association spokesman Ira said that sexual fantasies and ED is linked, for many reasons. “For psychological ED, an important sign that there is no sex. This will form a vicious circle, that more do not want, the more can not.”

Men do six things to stimulate sexual desire companion

We appreciate the woman’s body to make it “the sexual vitality.” But be careful not to make improper comments on her sensitive parts. If in doubt, you can say “safe” compliment, such as “this pair of jeans will make your hips very charming!” A woman born romantic, more formulaic words can not get enough – the man must learn this.

Kiss bedroom pass. A recent US study journal “Evolutionary Psychology” published shows that women do not want to kiss and level difference between men enjoy sex. Moreover, they like fresh breath, know how to caress their men kissing.

Journal “Nature Neuroscience” describes, caressing arm should begin, here is rich in pleasure nerve, mobile cm -10 cm per second best touch response. These nerves transmit signals to the brain, and enhance intimacy and caressing person interaction.

Husband and wife should be more exchanges, even talk some fleeting thought. Listen to make conversation with you to keep close. The study also found that men actually complain occasionally mobilize partner’s emotions.

Boston College study found that talking about sexuality, including sexual fantasies, excitement, etc., can enhance female libido, improve quality of life. But note that it is best not to talk about sex love in the bedroom, because 79% of the “failure of the talks” have taken place in bed.

A Canadian study showed that hug the body can increase a woman’s male hormone to make the clitoris more sensitive. This may be many women embrace in the morning with a partner, feel “the sexual abundant,” one of the reasons.

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Six Male Sex Frigidity Symptoms

What is the male sex frigidity symptoms, the following six symptoms of male sex frigidity:

Symptom 1: enlarged prostate
Men also slightly body estrogen, androgen balance each other. Reduce male hormone, estrogen will increase, through a series of subtle biochemical reactions in the wake of the prostate cell growth factors, cell proliferation, resulting in an enlarged prostate. This is one of the symptoms of the common male sex.

Symptom 2: sex without passion
Said the man’s head in 99.9% were sexual. However, reduction of male hormones, especially testosterone (produced significant sexual material medium) decreased sex may really more often in his head, but not in action. This is a very common symptom of the male sex.

Symptom 3: high cholesterol
Sex hormones in men’s blood vessels like sunscreen as important for a woman’s skin. Clinical studies have shown that sex hormones in the male body to prevent the occurrence of atherosclerotic vascular effects, which can lower blood testosterone bad cholesterol (HDL cholesterol) and reduce blood viscosity. The lack of it, too much will slow the flow of blood lipids.

Symptom 4: obesity
Male hormones make men look more men, mostly muscle enjoy our visual. Sex hormones can adjust the ratio of muscle and fat, reduce body fat storage, helping more muscular. Without it, where are the men will get fat “arc” shape.

Symptom 5: repeated emotional
Function of the nervous and endocrine systems are closely linked both decreased androgen levels lead to nerve stability declined significantly, could not carry a slight impact from outside, it is easy to become fragile, irritability, lack self-confidence, and menopausal mood disorders almost exactly the same.

Symptom 6: osteoporosis
In the process of bone metabolism, the testosterone play a catalytic role. No supervision of sex hormones, bone metabolism easily imbalance, causing huge loss of calcium.

Read the above symptoms for an explanation of the male sex, hoping to help to you. Because the symptoms of male sex is not the same, so we should pay attention to when to treat, for different symptoms to the choice of treatment. Not because of misdiagnosis and worse.

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Ways Help to Improve Sexual Passion

Modern sex intercourse need all kinds of sex help, but we don’t know which way can help sex intercourse, even we do not know what sex is more satisfying, here we want to inform you of what is sex help.

What fun sex way to make a man of more cool

Using fun props, role-playing can stimulate the desire of both parties. SM, bondage tied tight feeling let the “bad woman” who’s favorite, the use of sex toys so that they can quickly climax. Especially with some of the vibrator or Tiaodan like, continue to stimulate his optic nerve, to hear her most want to hear him scream, so that the body Qin through Eros under wet, so the game is full of screaming and fantasy.

Men like women to give them oral sex, oral sex and even many men feel more comfortable than sexual intercourse. “Bad woman” full of wild and lustful expression oral sex to men, this feeling let a man die happy moment. When oral sex, the most crucial point is to identify other sensitive parts of the penis, and then there was the purpose of sucking, so you must make the other for you to stop. After the experience will be unforgettable.

Let a woman’s most fascinating sex sexual techniques help

Do not think that all intercourse is started from the bed, and you can control yourself, how to play a game. You know, men are the playful child, even though he has been very mature, in the depths of his heart still has a childish side, so bold, and he came to understand the love of the game in a bar, and enjoy sexual pleasure. Whether you chase and I’m still just do not move the game, are able to make him addicted, bored.

Changes in posture: Each couple will have its own set of sexual techniques, and you are no exception. However, even the best long-term use of skills, will feel boring, boring. So, if you want your intercourse become different, even more different, try to change skills, is a very good choice. Remember, an occasional small change, there will be unintended consequences.

When sex intercourse, nudity can help sex

Some people, when sex is not undress, so sex is a way to help strip. Because men are unable to weather the temptation of a woman naked skin, but do not underestimate the impact on women and naked self-evaluation and blood pressure. Experts believe that wearing sexy lingerie can improve women’s emotional heat.

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Proper Physical Exercise Can Prevent Impotence

Medical experts point out that exercise is not only beneficial to the human heart, but also beneficial to people’s sexual function. Convention, moderate exercise can prevent impotence, preventive dysfunction. Even middle-aged men began to exercise, can reduce the risk of erectile dysfunction to some extent.

Male dysfunction, including decreased libido aspects (of sensory disturbances), erectile dysfunction, ejaculatory dysfunction, sexual disorders. According to global health statistics, the problem of sexual dysfunction in men has been as high as 40 percent, accounting for more than 30% of global domestic, the data show: male friends sexual dysfunction problems can not be ignored. So male dysfunction prevention, how to be better friends, preventive dysfunction happen?

Continuous, proper physical exercise and outdoor activities will be good for you, insist on daily exercise, you can adjust the tension of mental or neurological disorders fluids. Medical experts point out that exercise is not only beneficial to the human heart, but also beneficial to people’s sexual function. Convention, moderate exercise can prevent impotence, preventive dysfunction. Even middle-aged men began to exercise, can reduce the risk of erectile dysfunction to some extent.

Physical exercise program varied, which projects to men’s sexual function advantageous? Men pay attention to physical exercise project selection, walking, swimming is good exercise, but cycling is not suitable for a man, because it will increase the chances of suffering from sexual dysfunction.

Although increasing physical activity may be effective in preventing male dysfunction, but only by physical exercise is not enough. Because the cause of male dysfunction varied. Male dysfunction prevention better approach is to develop good habits, ban alcohol and tobacco, the proper conduct of psychological stress, such as regulation and mitigation. Mental factors are the main causes of sexual dysfunction. Psychotherapy is particularly important. Families of patients should be kept strictly confidential, so in the treatment of mental impotence. And carry out the work, so that patients eliminate ideological concerns, ease of mind, confidence in conquering the disease.

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